As i mentioned, i had a still-born before i was blessed with my healthy daughter, Cassadee. Im open to share this because i realise Stillborn or late stage miscarriage is becoming very common. Yet, nobody talks about it. When it happened to us, we are devestated. We do not know what to do, what to expect. So, here i am, sharing my story to create awareness to people if this ever happen *i hope not! no one deserves to suffer this pain* or to people around them on how to cope/deal with it.
Here’s the story.
I was almost 24 weeks pregnant. Being my first pregnancy, i was very careful, i was delighted once i passed my first trimester as it is alot safer for the mother and baby. That weekend, i did not feel much *actually none* movements from her. But i constantly reminded myself to try not to be over reacting, everything will be fine. I even did research online on how to make the baby kick more. I drank icy cold drinks and lay down on a quiet room..yet i did not feel anything. But … I was not alarmed yet. On Monday, after reached the office, i decided to give my Gynae a call. The nurse advised me to drop by for a scan just to be safe. So i left a note to my boss and went to Gleneangles. While i was in the cab, i texted hubby. I looked out the window,suddenly i shivered. What if my baby is gone?!! choiii! nothing will happen, she’s fine! don’t be silly!
When i arrived at the clinic, it was crowded as usual. I waited and waited.. While waiting, i touched my belly, talked to her.. asked her to be ok and give me one big strong kick… nothing happened…
Finally i was called into the room…. Dr greeted me and asked how am i & why am i there on that day. After i explained, he said “not to worry, let me scan and take alook maybe it is just her position, sometimes mummies may not feel their movements”
I lay on the bed while the Dr squirted some gel on my belly, then started scanning.
my fear has just begun!
Dr shoke his head and said “no good no good.. what happened? did anything happen? did you do anything unusual?”
i started to panic, and asked him “why?” he told me to calm down as i was already crying cos i knew something much be very wron! he said “maybe it is my machine, i can’t detect the heartbeat, don’t worry, i schedule u to do a detailed scan at the hospital, call your husband in now, don’t worry ok?”
then he called the nurse in to schedule me for detailed scan, i was then ushered out to wait outside, at this moment, i started crying out loud, i knew that the baby is gone!! i called the husband who was in the meeting to come over.. hubby was shocked but he said ” its ok, i’ll come right away!”
i also called my mum but she was in the airplane, so i called my sister.. Sis told me to calm down and seek second opinion.
The nurses asked if i was ok to walk to the A&E building myself, i said “OK” and i went. i was crying and crying… i waited at 1 corner, then a nice lady offerend me a seat and tissue. She asked if i was ok, then i told her that my baby was gone. She gave me a big hug and said ” oh well, at least you got pregnant, i have difficulties conceiving”
Finally the hubby came. Then i was told to go into the Sonographer’s office.
They scanned and scanned and scanned.. without saying anything…
i can’t wait anymore, i asked “can you detect the heartbeat?”
answer was ” no”
at this moment, i was really lost, not knowing what to do.
We were told to go back to the Dr’s clinic as Dr will explain to us in detail.
Back at the office, the dr apologized and confirmed that the baby is gone. He gave us options on when to deliver the baby. I will have to be induced. i suggested C-section as i do not want to go through the pain of delivering a sleeping baby. But, he was agaisnt the idea because if i would want to try to get pregnant again soon, natural delivery is the best for fast recovery.
I guess the Dr knew how sudden for us, so he suggested that we go and grab lunch/go home, take a rest and think over it.
We walked to the food court but no appetite to eat so we went home.
Upon reaching home, we both cuddled and cried…. dunno for how long, then we both looked at each other again, we smiled. then started picking up the phone to inform the parents and siblings. Also to notify the bosses on urgent medical leave.
We called the clinic again later on to check when should we check-in to be induced as i wanted to just get over it as soon as possible. We also called our insurance agent, unfortunately, it is not covered, we will have to fork out every single cent from out own pocket.
Stay tune for part 2 on the procedure and part 3 on how i recovered from this pain.
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